he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think people are normalizing furries
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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