she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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