Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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