I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
