Just fell off a train. Bad.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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