if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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