hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
