there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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