I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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