Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
