I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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