Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?