Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.

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  (540): I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune. http://tfl.nu/4goo
  Replies (9) Good night (1213) Bad night (2741)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.

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  (979): so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together. http://tfl.nu/dxc5
  Replies (15) Good night (3929) Bad night (1018)
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  (562): View more from California

  CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!

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  (562): CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?! http://tfl.nu/fpdj
  Replies (21) Good night (926) Bad night (2552)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..

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  (443): 8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath.. http://tfl.nu/przo
  Replies (44) Good night (3586) Bad night (1689)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body

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  (281): I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body http://tfl.nu/esoz
  Replies (17) Good night (3327) Bad night (970)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (50) Good night (11292) Bad night (2550)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

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  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (9252) Bad night (938)
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  (707): View more from California

  And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa

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  (707): And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa http://tfl.nu/9onc
  Replies (12) Good night (1976) Bad night (879)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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  (609): I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception. http://tfl.nu/z6mj
  Replies (13) Good night (1857) Bad night (1308)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.

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  (509): I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning. http://tfl.nu/olim
  Replies (7) Good night (2325) Bad night (536)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever

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  (419): The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever http://tfl.nu/s7ex
  Replies (10) Good night (666) Bad night (1601)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.

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  (407): You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window. http://tfl.nu/325b
  Replies (5) Good night (840) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.

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  (757): Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min. (540): He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd. http://tfl.nu/sjx0
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.

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  (540): Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life. http://tfl.nu/lage
  Replies (5) Good night (293) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts

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  (203): I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts http://tfl.nu/mdva
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (278)

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