Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus