break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion