i don't plan on having that self control this summer
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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