Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you