Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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