If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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