Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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