and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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