They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
