there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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