my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
