i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
