I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
