they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's great music for shaving your balls
a search helicopter?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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