so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
