If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
