you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
