After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
