I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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