i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize