Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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