A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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