I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
