I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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