...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
