You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
