Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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