when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
