i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize