he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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