I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
