Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
