Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just invented taco cereal.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
