I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
