just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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