i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
