I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
