I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
