ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize