those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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