I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
