Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
