oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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