yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
