I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
